jueves, 29 de marzo de 2007

Ultimas palabras famosas


Existe todo un género literario basado en las palabras que innumerables personajes de la historia dijeron antes de morir. A mí me resultan al menos sospechosas. Verán, yo creo que los hombres y mujeres que merecieron ser recordados por las generaciones siguientes eran, ante todo, gente. Y la gente no se comunica por medio de frases célebres, la gente dice "carajo", "me pica el trasero" y "déjenme de hinchar las gónadas". No creo que el Sargento Cabral le haya dicho al General San Martín "Muero contento, hemos batido al enemigo" en la batalla de San Lorenzo, sino más bien "Me la dieron, mi General, pero por lo menos les ganamos a estos hdp".

En estos días se estrena la película "300" que está basada en una historia gráfica que a su vez se basa libremente en la legendaria batalla del desfiladero de las Termópilas, donde los espartanos detuvieron el avance persa por un tiempo en un enfrentamiento de lo más desigual (no eran 300 griegos, pero eran muchos menos que los persas). Es fama que el general espartano Leónidas, ante el pedido de rendición del persa Jerjes, que le dijo "Si dejan sus armas les perdonamos la vida", contestó "Vengan por ellas" (en griego, claro, porque estos tipos hablaban griego, es que eran griegos, hombre). Para mí que le dijo al mensajero "Decile a tu jefe que me puede $·&·&!"%$·&%! las ·&·"·%&/·%" (también en griego). En mi opinión, no le quita lo heroico.
Pero es comprensible que las palabras finales pasen a la historia en una versión pulida, patriótica, adecentada, elegante y apta para citarse en libros, películas y conversaciones cultas. Navegando por la red encontré una serie de frases que, supuestamente, algunos célebres muchachos dijeron antes de estirar la pata. Seleccioné las que más me gustaron, que no son precisamente las más gloriosas:

"¡Carajo, un balazo!" (Antonio José de Sucre)

"¡Qué disgusto que le voy a dar a mi madre!" (Manolete, célebre torero español)

"Yo soy el conde Drácula, el rey de los vampiros, soy inmortal." (Bela Lugosi, actor al que en sus últimos tiempo le faltaban unos caramelos en el frasco)

"Estos no le darían ni a un elefante a esta distanc..." (General John Sedwick, muerto en la Guerra Civil norteamericana)

"¡Todo es tan aburrido!" (Winston Churchill)

"Ahora yo me iré a dormir. Buenas noches." (Lord Byron)

"¿Cuánto se recaudó hoy en el Madison Square Garden?" (Phineas Taylor Barnum, fundador del legendario Barnum Circus)

"¡Escriba usted que he dicho algo!" (Pancho Villa, herido de muerte, a un periodista)

"¡Hay que meter la cortina de la ducha por dentro!" (Richard Hilton, dueño de la cadena de hoteles Hilton a uno de sus empleados)

Tal vez mi favorita sea la que dijo el poeta estadounidense Walt Whitman. En sus últimos años estuvo buscando algo memorable para decir en su lecho de muerte, pero cuando le llegó el momento, se dió por vencido y exclamó : "¡Mierda!"

Buenas noches (no se preocupen , no soy Lord Byron)

30 comentarios:

Gustav dijo...

Existe también otro género similar, y que en particular a mi me gusta más, que es el de los epitafios.
Vea Bugman, la verdad no puedo decirle que yo crea que usted es un hombre serio, pero si lo suficientemente poco meticuloso como para tener preparadas unas últimas palabras. Pero puedo equivocarme, ¿las tiene? ¿y un epitafio?

Angie dijo...

En mi opinión, la mejor, la de Pancho Villa! jajaja...

De los epitafios, muy cachondo el del en gran Groucho Marx.. "Perdone usted que no me levante" Y dicen que en el cementerio de Sevilla hay uno que dice... "Por aguantarme un peo, aquí me veo", aunque supongo que será una de esas coñas se van extendiendo de boca en boca y, al final se convierte en toda una leyenda urbana, buena, o de ultratumba, jajaja!

Saludos matutinos!

Anónimo dijo...

BUGMAN PERDON ME GUSTARIA QUE ESCRIBE SOBRE LOS LIBERTARES DE TRANSITO Y DE LAS VEGAS NEVADAS HECTOR L. S

Angie dijo...

jaja es como la del señor que se aventó del décimo piso y cuando iba por el cuarto lo escucharon decir "hasta aquí, todo va bien"
jajaja
muy buen post :)

Anónimo dijo...

SR BUGMAN QUE DICES DE SU FAMILIA JOSEF BUGMAN SON NOBLEZA VIKINGA O ES UNA CONSPIRACION NORUEGOS HECTOR L.S

Bugman dijo...

#Gustav, me pone en un aprieto. No tengo preparadas mis últimas palabras ni mi epitafio, pero si me apura (me apura?) qué seyo, antes de morir podría decir algo como:
"¡AHORA TE QUIERO VER, DR. HOUSE!"
o también:
"Ven, pedazos de ignorantes, ahora está demostrado que comer sandía con vino no tiene ningún efecto sobre..."

Unos bonitos epitafios podrían ser:
"PARA EL GIL QUE LEE ESTO,
AHORA YO NO PAGO IMPUESTOS"

"¿ENTONCES LAS ROJAS ERAN LAS VENENOSAS?"

Sepa disculpar.


#Angie de Sevilla, el de Groucho Marx es falso. Pero merecería ser cierto.

#Angie, aquí tenemos un presidente que piensa más o menos así (pero no me hagan empezar).

Bugman dijo...

Héctor, sosiéguese. Cálmese, tómese unos vinos, respire profundo. Eso de escribir todo en mayúsculas y a las apuradas no debe ser bueno. Parece como que escribe un SMS. Los Bugman no descendemos de vikings sino de galos.
Por otra parte, yo no escribo a pedido, a menos que haya dinero de por medio. Claro que acepto las amables sugerencias de los lectores, pero ellos saben esperar pacientemente que se me ocurra algo relacionado con el tema, y casi nunca se me ocurre nada relacionado con ningún tema. Sobre todo si el tema es "LIBERTARES DE TRANSITO". ¿Ya ve lo que pasa cuando escribe a las apuradas? ¿Está usted escapando de la justicia? ¿Del jefe? ¿Del Gobernador de Chihuahua?
Relájese, mi amigo, como dicen en su país, "hay más tiempo que vida".

La Chumina dijo...

Jajajaja me encantaron la de Walt Whitman y la de Pancho Villa ^-^

Angie dijo...

Anda si? pues no tenía ni idea que fuera falso...pero como tú dices, y tanto que merecería ser cierto porque es buenísimo! igual me lo pongo de epitafio pa mi cuando la estire jajaja!(espero que dentro de muchooooos años, claro)

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